I'm not sure what to call this feeling. There are three things that always trigger these feelings: Christmas, my birthday and one event I'd rather not divulge in public. No matter how I surround myself with love and focus it to our bundle of joy, that feeling of despair creeps out attacking you out nowhere living you feeling dejected and vulnerable. And I don't know how to channel it to something else. I used to get a hold of that feeling and pour it into words and write free verse or walk aimlessly in the streets of downtown Manila until I find that peace in bookstores and get lost in books. Or ride a bus to the farthest city in the Metro just to feel the wind blow my hair and watch the urban scenery pass by. I cannot do that now. Not with my responsibility to my little girl. I feel so contained. So trapped. And I can't even cry. I can't even let it go and get it off my chest. I just feel so lost.
in the movie percy jackson his mom told him "someday it will all makes sense"...
ReplyDeleteyou'll get those answers someday...hopefully soon...
Okay. first of all.... *massive hug*
ReplyDeleteI may not have kids of my own, but I know what it feels like. Let it out; it's perfectly okay. You're actually doing it right now, writing about it.
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I'd be more than happy to cry this out with you.
hugs :) meditate and pray sissy ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you're going through but guess what, crying helps a lot. allow yourself to cry like you've never cried before. it's not a sin, neither a sign of weakness. it's just means that you're just a human being, capable of being sad and weak and yet, on the up side of it, you're capable of being happy and strong.
ReplyDeleteGod speed!